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The Language of Cooperation |
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Written by Dr. George Thompson
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In my Verbal Judo Institute www.VerbalJudo.com, I instruct primarily law enforcement professionals on how to use language effectively.
As parents, you also understand the importance of effective communication, especially when you ‘re trying to inspire cooperation.
Here are some phrases officers learn that should be said—often! You can adapt these techniques to situations that arise with children.
We teach in Tactical Communication (Verbal Judo) that ‘Natural Language’ is disastrous. If we allow words to rise readily to our lips, we are liable to create speeches we live to regret!
As I have watched officers work the streets over the last 25 years, those who were most successful at calming and redirecting others TALKED differently than the rest of us.
As Peace Officers, they talked like Peace Officers. They use what I now call ‘Tactical Peace Phrases,’ language tailored and shaped to bring peace out of disorder.
Such peace language is not ‘natural’ to most of us but it can be learned and should be employed by all of us. Let me discuss several of the most potent phrases.
“Can You Go Along With Us Here?’” vs. “Do it or Else!” Police are authority figures and as such tend to order rather than to ask. Asking people for their cooperation shows them respect and allows them to save personal face in front of their peers, where, “Do it or else” almost forces the other to resist to save face.
"You Don’t Need This Kind of Trouble, Sir” vs. “You Want a Problem?” The first is tactical, the second more natural, hence worse! The aggressive officer uses the second, the assertive officer the first. The first phrase has a positive impact, hence ‘assertive,’ because it shows a concern for the welfare of the subject. The second is ‘aggressive’ because it is pushy and combative, and encourages resistance.
“Let me be Sure I Understand What You’re Telling Me” vs. “Quiet Down!” This former phrase is the most powerful peace sentence because it projects empathy—“I am trying to understand your position” -- while simultaneously shutting the other up! The word EMPATHY means to see through the eyes of the other, and it is perhaps the most powerful English word. Hence any phrase that suggests it will likewise be powerful.
If you need to interrupt someone, for example, ‘Quiet down!’ doesn’t work! It only exacerbates the situation, making the other more resistant. To interrupt someone effectively, use the other phrase because no one continues to talk when you say it. All people want to hear their point being given back to them! You are now in control, talking, and they are actually listening rather than just waiting.
This is a great example of a judo principle, using someone’s negative energy against them and redirecting it into more positive channels!
”I Appreciate You Doing What you Were Asked” is a phrase calculated to help a subject save personal face in front of others, particularly after having been resistant! It’s the last thing an officer might want to say (naturally), given a resistant subject, but it works, partly because it does not make the subject look as if he gave in. Compliance was his choice! It thus calms the subject and stifles future resistance—almost every time.
“Can You Help Me Help You?” is another Peace Phrase calculated to make the subject see you as a helper rather than as an enforcer. The focus is on ‘we’ not just ‘you,’ and the stress is on working together rather than in opposition.
And finally, that marvelous phrase, “Is There Anything I Can Say to Get You to Do X,Y &Z? I’d like to think so!” This most powerful of Peace Phrases puts the ball of verbalization back into the other’s court, sounds caring and concerned that words will work, and allows the other to save face should he wish.
Those of you who know Verbal Judo know that this is the last verbal attempt in our Five Steps to Persuasion, and immediately precedes action should the answer be a resounding NO!
The argument is simple: Peace Officers must not talk as all others do. They must talk the talk of peace, always and under all conditions, and this requires training and practice.
A version of this article was orginally posted under the title "Talking the Talk of Peace: the Peace Warrior" on www.PoliceOne.com. It was reprinted with PoliceOne's permission.
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